When I first found out that I was pregnant, I wondered if I would be able to love my second born as much as I loved Ethan. Of course, I KNEW I was having a girl(uproarious laughter), so I wasn't too concerned with them having to compete for my affection. The first daughter would most definitely not feel inadequate or unloved; after all, she was still a first. As God planned it, Jane Victoria has not yet made her appearance, but instead Caleb Nathan graced us with his presence. He and Ethan are going to be such good friends, and Ethan loves him so much already. Next summer will be an absolute blast, and my two boys will be running around doing everything together. I am very grateful that we have two boys.
Once we found out that we were having a Caleb instead of a Jane, my fear was still that he would still not feel as loved as Ethan. Ethan's arrival came with such fanfare...I had four baby showers, everyone was always asking about how he was doing...and everyone still does. When we were gone for 2 months, our church family kept on saying how much they missed Ethan...and Michael and Allie, of course. :)
Throughout my pregnancy, I felt like I had to defend myself for 'getting' pregnant so soon. There were so many negative comments made...and I did NOT want my son to feel that he wasn't wanted, or that we would regret having him. There are differences between the pregnancies of the first born, and all the subsequent babies to follow. With your first, everything is so new and foreign. You have no idea what to expect, and because its all so new, there's an air of excitement about everything, even the mundane things.
A friend of mine who also has two 15 months apart said that after her first son was born, she was so in awe of him, and full of adrenaline and just taking it all in. With her second, it was like, "Okay, I have another baby". No less amount of love, but it just wasn't as...novel, I guess. I can completely relate to her assessment. But I wonder if my lack of awe will be translated as a lack of love.
Have any other mothers felt this way, or am I the only crackpot out here?
When Caleb was first born, I wanted to make sure that he felt just as loved as Ethan...so I insisted on buying him a baby book, even though he already had a scrapbook that would suffice. Why? Because Ethan had a baby book and a scrapbook, and I didn't want Caleb to feel like he deserved less. Silly, I know, but I was so adamant about it.
I've always struggled with the idea that something can be equal, but be different. When I first became a Christian and learned about submission, I basically began espousing that women were to be servants to men, and were not of equal importance. That is a complete lie, and misunderstanding of what Scripture teaches. I'm sure that its okay, and normal, for the reactions to be different between first borns and all the rest. As time goes on, I will probably accept this, and hopefully with the next baby, it won't even be an issue.
I am praying that Michael and I have wisdom in making sure that all our children feel loved, which will be difficult considering the fact that we hope to have a large family. I do know that there is enough 'room in my heart' for both my boys, and for all the rest that come along. I love watching Michael talk to Caleb, and to see Ethan give the baby kisses. And I LOVE it when Caleb smiles.
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3 comments:
Hi Allie, Glad to have found your blog! Good way to "keep up", ya know? I agree that in the beginning it is not quite as much a novelty to have subsequent children as with the first one. BUT I think the fun part comes more unexpectedly with the others. Instead of oohing and aahing over every little baby thing from the moment of birth, it is a slower unraveling of their personality that is so beautiful to watch. Almost like you're not as distracted by the run-of-the-mill baby stuff and you can notice the actual differences in personality more. Maybe it also has to do the season of life you are in when each child is born. Some you can devote more undistracted time to, others . . . well, life does go on for everyone else, too! That includes whoever you have toddling around pulling on your legs! I try to remember that even though I want to look all my children in the eyes and squeeze and bless them everyday, if I don't get to give as much to one as to another on any given day, God STILL works all things together for their good! Even an imperfect Mommy! He knows the plans He has for each child and is able to weave all their experiences together to shape them like the Potter's clay.
Blessings and peace to your family!
Kelli Woodford
You have your first born and you feel like you could your love is a sea. It can hold everything in it's immense waters.
but you find out with your second, that that love, the love that held everything before... grows again. and holds even more.
the second birth did feel like "eh yeah. i had a baby" and we invited the tile guy into the house not even 2 hours after the birth to come measure our kitchen! but you know what, Willem's birth was so different than Roan's. so comfortable, enjoyable, so well.. different that I'm still talking about it!
It's amazing to watch these two. they love each other so much, of course we still have Roan's toddler moments and it's a constant teaching ground of how to use gentle hands. But Willem is in such awe of his big brother, wanting to get into everything he can.
and i'm already wanting another. ;)
*sorry it's late here... "you feel like your love is a sea" there. corrected.
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